Finding My Purpose... Again

Growing up, I had a plan... a very specific, well thought out, ideal plan that no one could take from me.  Before that plan was obvious, I was lonely and hurting and felt like no one could help me.  I didn't know what my purpose would be. When I was 10, I accidentally fell in love with sign language through a TV show.  It came into my life on accident and became the reason I fought.  I struggled with some horribly controlling depression as a pre-teen and teen and sign language kept me focused on what could be, as long as I kept going.  Unfortunately, with EDS, that dream was stolen from me. With rapidly increasing dislocations, pain and swelling, I had to step aside and try to heal.  Once accepting that EDS stole that from me, my dislocations and pain in my hands and fingers decreased alot more than I thought they would.  So I was grateful... but then the question came back, "what is my purpose?"  At that point, I hadn't even thought about a realistic alternative purpose in 10 to 15 years!  

I had to go through the grieving process, and it wasn't easy.  My reason for fighting was gone. I started working as a caregiver, just to make ends meet until I could figure out what my purpose, my reason for fighting was.  I slowly started to realize that I loved being a caregiver, but couldn't live off it.  As a caregiver, I was barely making minimum wage.  I thought about going to a program for STNA or CNA but decided on medical assisting.  I honestly thought it was to be able to do what STNAs do.  Anyway, through classes and experiences, I slowly started falling in love with medicine.  It was fascinating! The more I learned, the more I loved it.  I graduated with honors and started working in an endocrinology office.  I started to see, however, that I wasn't a good fit for that office because my passion is helping people and the office's passion was making money.  I left, knowing that it would be a healthy choice.  A month and a half later, I still hadn't found a job, I was running out of my savings, and started feeling like I lost my purpose again.  When I got to my lowest point in awhile, I broke down, gave up being stubborn, and did all I knew how to do - pray. 

I went to a church and went in the adoration room and broke down crying, begging God to show me my purpose.  I begged him to give me hope.  That was on a Thursday afternoon.  That Sunday, I went to church for the first time in too long.  The following day, I received 3 job offers.  God gave me back my purpose.  

On top of that, I had rescheduled my RMA exam 4 or 5 times within the last month because I was scared I wasn't going to pass.  With the 3 job offers came the very obvious need to just deal with it and take the stupid test.  I went in that Wednesday to take it.  I needed a 70 to pass the 210 question exam.  I didn't get a 70... I got a 93!!  With that, my purpose was more obvious than ever.  

I accepted one job offer, working in Physical Medicine and Rehab, working to help patients in pain.  I also can now officially say that I am a Registered Medical Assistant.  

So basically...

Me: 2

EDS: 0

Finally! EDS may hurt me, but it will not destroy me! I'm learning to keep my head high and live knowing that my purpose is here to stay this time.  EDS isn't going to take that away from me again.  

With all my love,

Carley Cook, RMA <3