Yes, I'm sick and I hate it.

I think one of the hardest things about getting a diagnosis that is chronic and lifelong is accepting the reality.  Yes, I am  sick.
I have worked really hard to accept that fact. There are definitely things that make me feel better and things that make me feel worse and this journey has been an experiment in trying to find out what those are. I haven't totally accepted that I'm sick yet.  I had to wear a heart monitor the two days ago in an attempt to figure out why my heart rate is always over 100. Wearing  that monitor reminded me that I am sick.  It was hard.  On some levels, accepting that this will never completely go away makes me feel defeated. I can try to feel better but I'll never be normal and I'll never have total control.  Even if I can find ways to decrease my pain, it will always still be there on some level and the dislocations will always happen. That can be hard to accept.

Accepting that I'm sick is totally different than my family and friends accepting that I'm sick.  It's been especially hard for some of the people closest to me and I  completely understand why.  Why would anyone want to accept that someone they love is chronically ill? Most people want to try to fix it.  They want their friend or family member to feel better. Who wouldn't want that?
Accepting that I'm sick doesn't mean that I'm not going to try to feel better.  Accepting that I'm sick is simply understanding my reality and learning to love myself for who I am. Accepting that I'm sick is simply a way to stop fighting my reality.  I don't want to be sick, but I am. Accepting that is healthy.  Once i accept it, I can move forward and find the best ways to feel better.  So please, try to accept it.  Accepting doesn't mean I'm giving up.  It is the first step to healing and finding peace in my chronic illness. 
I love you all very much. Thank you for following me! It really means more to me that i can describe.