#Transparent

Good morning lovely people! 
I'm going to get right into this post.  I feel like I need to be very transparent with all of you.  I also was going to title this post, "The Problem with Chronic".
Not every understands chronic.  I know many people do, but definitely not all.  Chronic is something that persists for a long period of time or something that recurs often.  In my case, chronic is lifelong and never ending.  Honestly, I can't put into words how much these diseases suck. There will never be a cure for EDS.  EDS is a genetic mutation, that only happens because of something a parent passes down.  It's horrible. For the type I have, they don't even know what the exact mutation is, which is why they can't do a genetic test to diagnose it. 
Chronic brings feelings of despair and sadness.
Chronic brings anger and fear.
Chronic bring anxiety. 
Chronic bring Depression.
There is it - depression.  I have struggled with depression for most of my life.  I struggled with an eating disorder (2 years in high school), suicidal thoughts (6 years starting in 6th grade), self injury (short period of time in high school), anxiety (very bad following the rape 2 years ago), and of course, depression.  I was bullied starting in preschool and continuing through my freshman year in college and then dealt with constant adult bullies in most of my job experiences the last few years.
Even though I try really hard to stay positive and keep a smile on, having a chronic illness that causes debilitating pain and fatigue naturally creates depression, sadness, hopelessness, fear, anxiety... I might find a a wonderful combination of medications that really help me with the symptoms, but medications will never prevent dislocations, which cause an immense amount of pain.  Unfortunately, I'm already to a point where over the counter pain medication does nothing to help me.
Another piece of this is depression because of what I want to do compared to what I can do.  I wish I could work full time and go to school and give each the amount of effort they need.  I wish I could do my physical activity.  I wish I could wear high heels (they are probably one of the worst things I can do).  I wish I was a normal 23 year old, but I'm not, and that has been really hard to accept the last few years.  Even before the diagnoses, I knew I couldn't be a partier.  I knew I couldn't stay out super late and get up the next morning and be able to function.  Realizing that I won't be able to do things I want to do is terrible.
Depression has been strong. If I seem oversensitive, just love me. Give me a hug.  I'm doing my best to stay hopeful, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it wants to stay.
I love you all, and thank you for your support and love.
Gentle hugs.