Weddings

Hey everyone! It's been awhile... Things have been crazy lately and alot has changed.  Lately I have noticed that, although intentions are good, sometimes certain things can be hard to deal with.  I want to talk about something very common at this time in the year: weddings.

Growing up, I loved weddings! I loved the bride's pretty dress, the love in the bride and groom's eyes, the cake, dancing, joy... When I got a little older, I love them even more. I really liked the fact that alcohol gave me a chance to be carefree and dance to my heart's content. I tend to worry too much about other people's opinions of me and it was nice to not have that worry, even briefly. 

The last 2ish years, have been hard and I don't love weddings as much. I think it's partly because my meds don't cooperate well with alcohol and my body doesn't do well with dancing. It's hard... I want to drink and want to dance but I know what will happen if I do either. I'll be sick if I drink alcohol, and will likely have a dislocation or have a joint give out if I dance. In the end, I will have increased pain, which will increase my depression and anxiety.  

I think what makes it even harder is when others try to get me to dance and don't stop after I say that I don't want to.  I just feel weird because I have to say no and know that no one else believes me or understands me.  I enjoy weddings alot more when I can just do what I want to.  I know that the intentions are typically good and people just want to include me, and that, I appreciate.  Just sometimes, my body can't, and it's taking enough energy just to be there.  

Anyway, still include me and still be with me, but if I say I'm not going to dance, please keep in mind that I usually have a reason.

Love to you all!