Alot of people who really know me and my story agree that I've experienced alot and have had just alot of bad luck. Of course everyone has their struggles and their stories. It's through our struggles that we find out how strong we are and are changed. I never dismiss or compare others struggles to mine. I believe that everyone's worst is different and we all experience different things, not worse things. We should be able to share our stories without fear of judgement or disrespect. What happens when someone's testimony is harder for some people to hear than it was to experience?
I used to go to a support group because I was raped two years ago. The support group was provided for survivors by the organization that has helped me recover from the assault. I am very grateful for everything they have done for me in the last two years. I recently started to open up more about my story. Up until recently, I listened and provided support more than I shared my struggles. I finally got to a point where I felt comfortable sharing some things that were really bothering me. I was dealing alot with depression and other issues. I've had to deal with alot of new diagnoses this year, including one very recently that explains alot about me. The last few years have been very difficult with having financial issues, being raped, dealing with the horrible side of the justice system and law enforcement, getting robbed at gun point, new diagnoses, horrible jobs, mean people, moving a bunch, having to break up with my fiance, leaving the Catholic church and moving home. Of course, there's even more things I've had to struggle with, but the list is too long to write it all.
I finally shared that I had been really struggling. After I opened my heart and shared some very personal things, the ladies in the group were very supporting. The next day I received a call from my advocate/counselor, who is in charge of the support group. She made it seem like the point of the call was to see how I was doing and after asking me how I was doing, she told me I wasn't welcome in the support group anymore. I basically shared too much personal information that apparently wasn't okay to share in the support group. My experiences were too much for her to handle.
I often am in situations where other people don't want to or can't talk about what I've experienced because it makes them uncomfortable, sad or overwhelmed. I can understand why it would, especially if someone is really close to me and loves me, but, at the same time, if I trust someone enough to share my story, then why are you shutting me down? I know many people experience this... where their life experiences, struggles and survival stories are waaay too much for them to handle. It's sad, really, because imagine how hard it was to get through if its that hard to hear about. Sometimes all I want is for someone to listen, give me a hug and tell me they are there for me. I don't want you to tell me it will be okay because I will most likely get much worse physically. I can heal from certain things, but there will always be parts of those experiences that effect me. So if I act weird in a city that isn't very safe, understand it is because of my experiences. If I act weird around someone with dreadlocks, understand that it is from my experiences. If I need to take medication, although I will try to do it discretely, don't ever judge me for it. Listening and trying to understand are the best ways to handle things. If I share very personal things, then, know that I love you and trust you. Just listen, hug me, and tell me you are there for me.
Thank you for reading!
Gentle Hugs!
Hugs and here!
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