Sometimes Things Happen

Hey Everyone! It's been a little while since I updated you all.  Things change so much in our lives so quickly that it's pretty insane. 
Since my last post, things have been all over.  As some of you know, I am a survivor of rape.  I am not ashamed to talk about it because I didn't cause it, ask for it, or deserve it.  I don't wish it on anyone and wish I wouldn't of had to go through it.  I was raped twice, 2 years ago by a friend that I had known for awhile that I trusted greatly.  There is nothing I could have done to prevent the assault.  I have read a quote that I really like to remind myself of, which is, "Life is 5 percent what happens to us and 95 percent how we react to it."  I know that what I went through was horrible, but I firmly believe that how I handled it was what made the horrible situation something that can impact the world.  I reported it to police, and tried to press charges but the warrant was denied, just like most sexual violence cases.  I called RAINN (rape, Abuse, Incest National Network) who forwarded me to First Step, which is a more local organization that could help me.  I have worked with First Step for 2 years to be able to make sense of something so horrible. 
The reason I bring up being a survivor of rape is because last Wednesday I spoke at a large university for an event.  The event was to raise awareness and promote safe college campuses and communities.  I shared my survivor story and how I have been able to heal from someone's decision to take something that was mine.   The event went really really well, but I was terrified.  Most of my time went to planning my presentation, which wasn't even completed when I got up to speak.  It was so hard to remember everything that I had tried to forget and to share it with a large crowd, especially since public speaking isn't my BFF. :)
Before that, I spent most of my time playing catch up with school.  All of the health struggles became a major focus of mine after I was diagnosed in February.  I fought for a diagnosis and treatment because my pain was getting so bad and I was extremely tired of dealing with it secretly.  I was incredibly far behind on assignments and had a very short time to finish everything.  That was my main focus for about a week and a half before my presentation took over my attention. 
Sometimes things just happen and they are out of our control.  Sometimes our behavior gets us into places that our words can't get us out of and we need to work hard to fix our mistakes.  Sometimes the things that happen change our lives so permanently that there is no hope of ever returning to our previous place.  Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes it feels like there is so much negative that there is no possible way for anything good to come from it. That's when we need to step back and realize that we aren't failing.  We aren't a failure.  We aren't stupid.  We couldn't have stopped or prevented it.  I know it's hard.  Honestly, I need to listen to my own advice and learn how to love and forgive myself as much as I do others.

I have some other news about health, but will put it in a different post so this one doesn't get too long.  There is some really exciting things happening, in my opinion. :)
Gentle Hugs! Love you all!